The Daily Star is really more entertaining semi-fiction than news, but this is still Onion-worthy.

Finally, some classic Onion writing…

…wait, what do you mean this is real‽

Dafuq?

Eat the rich!

You don’t, and neither do I.

I think, therefore I am. You think, therefore you are.

The world isn’t real. This is simply too ridiculous to have happened. I have been in a coma for the last six years and this is all just a weird fantasy playing out in my mind.

We honestly need a !notnotnottheonion now…

US economy crashing again in 3…2…1…

This feels like a gag out of Family Guy or South Park or something. Good thing people are protesting!

Don’t post the Daily Fail on here. The only differences between that and Fox News are that it’s British and that you need to be able to read in order to use it.

How the Kentucky fried FUCK is this not The Onion‽

Bringing a whole new meaning to a sting operation.

— Google, 2018, colourised

Fucking hell, Loops is RIGHT THERE!

That is an excellent point. The only snag is that I feel they aren’t quite intelligent enough to think of that. Then again, maybe that’s what they want us to think…