Would visit my dad every other weekend and occasionally get a light smack on the back of the head and be called an idiot. Go “home” to a stepfather that wouldn’t use my name, it was idiot, moron, jerk off, etc…
Now I work in a factory because I never felt I had the capacity to aim for anything and often “joke” about how Hitler had more redeeming qualities than I do.
Now I work in a factory because I never felt I had the capacity to aim for anything
Having no motivation is still my biggest drag on myself. I still don’t feel I deserve things, and I feel I’ve lost a lot of the ability to really even want things, so if I can’t set goals or have desires, it’s hard to find that ambition. I used to have lots of dreams, but my parents pushed them out of me. My life now is…fine…but I don’t know if it will ever be what young and innocent me would have wanted for me.
I relate to this. I didn’t have many people I could rely on growing up, though I didn’t recognize it at the time. It left me with a lot of doubt about myself and about others. I often wonder who I might’ve been if genuine human connection had come more naturally, if I hadn’t learned to see myself in such a harsh light.
Would visit my dad every other weekend and occasionally get a light smack on the back of the head and be called an idiot. Go “home” to a stepfather that wouldn’t use my name, it was idiot, moron, jerk off, etc…
Now I work in a factory because I never felt I had the capacity to aim for anything and often “joke” about how Hitler had more redeeming qualities than I do.
Headline checks out. Lol
Having no motivation is still my biggest drag on myself. I still don’t feel I deserve things, and I feel I’ve lost a lot of the ability to really even want things, so if I can’t set goals or have desires, it’s hard to find that ambition. I used to have lots of dreams, but my parents pushed them out of me. My life now is…fine…but I don’t know if it will ever be what young and innocent me would have wanted for me.
I relate to this. I didn’t have many people I could rely on growing up, though I didn’t recognize it at the time. It left me with a lot of doubt about myself and about others. I often wonder who I might’ve been if genuine human connection had come more naturally, if I hadn’t learned to see myself in such a harsh light.