• pinkdrunkenelephants@lemm.ee
    7·
    1 year ago

    This is cheating, not polygamy. 🤦 No one involved with this wants polygamy. They all had an expectation of monogamy and broke it, only to benefit themselves. If they tried polygamy, it would only be one sided and break hearts as their only intention is to benefit themselves amd they no longer care about their original partners in the first place. Stop using cheating as a springboard for your toxic lifestyle choices.

      • bitsplease@lemmy.ml
        3·
        1 year ago

        100% chance this guy/gal has cheated on their So at some point and used this exact reasoning to convince themselves it was OK lol

      • I Cast Fist@programming.devEnglish
        2·
        1 year ago

        “Honey, I’ve been cheating on you because I really care about you. I’m doing this without your consent or knowledge for our good”

        Yeah, that sounds perfectly reasonable. /s

      • Fushuan [he/him]@lemm.ee
        2·
        1 year ago

        They might care in other ways but they don’t care enough not to cheat. It’s that simple.

        If you don’t talk about opening the relationship, you are breaking the trust, there’s no excuse around it.

    • Mongostein@lemmy.ca
      26·
      1 year ago

      Sure, but the people in to it really need to stop pressuring people who aren’t.

      In my experience polyamorous people are more insufferable than vegans.

      I get it. You like to sleep around. I’m not interested in being your third, fourth, fifth or whatever. Leave me and everyone else not interested in your cult - oh sorry, I mean “lifestyle” - the fuck alone about it.

  • Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    3·
    1 year ago

    Sounds like that group needs to have a conversation about being non-monogamous.

    It can actually be a pretty awesome way to live for some people.

    I have been in 2 polycules and the second one was more a collection of couples that like to trade and share. The first one was just the 3 of us.

    Currently single but meh, I’m enjoying it for the time being.

    • Cjwi@lemmy.world
      1·
      1 year ago

      Question, how does one of those end? Curious about the second one in particular. Did you break up with your primary partner then leave? Did the couples vote you off the island? Just curious

      • Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        3·
        1 year ago

        Basically I quit drinking for both my physical and mental health and a few of them insisted on wanting to drink around me even though I said that it made staying sober really hard.

        One of the key culprits in the insisting on drinking around me was the dude I was dating on the time, but that didn’t last more than a couple instances of them getting hammered while I stayed sober.

        So I said that I didn’t want to be around the ones who insisted on drinking if they continued their shit.

        Then the ones that didn’t drink around me kept telling me that I was being too harsh on staying sober, and they started insisting that I could drink in moderation.

        I said I had tried that in the past and I failed miserably at staying sober.

        Then I tried to reach out to them the following weekend and they told me that they had decided that they were going to keep drinking and partying.

        So we parted ways.

        Honestly it was pretty mutual, though they decided my sobriety was a deal breaker independently of me deciding that their drinking was a deal breaker.

        Kinda hurt at first but it didn’t take long before I realized that I was happier not around them then around them. So I’d say I came out ahead.

        Last I heard the group broke further when a few of them started getting into hard drugs a few months later so I guess I dodged a bullet there.

        The first one ended pretty badly and it hurts to talk about in detail to this day. But long story short it ended over the course of 3 days: day one one died, day two I took it poorly and started drinking again, then day three the other one died due to a DUI (they had failed in sobriety as well) then I basically fell full long into alcoholism again.

        • Pankkake@lemmy.world
          0·
          1 year ago

          Ow, the first relationship’s ending sounds really rough, I feel for you :/

          Godspeed to your sobriety!

          • Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone
            3·
            1 year ago

            Currently I’m 5 years sober which is the longest I’ve been sober since I was 12 years old.

            Honestly sobriety is pretty great.

            It had some rocky moments during the first year but it’s only gotten easier with time.

            Yeah that first poly relationship ending was also the first time my sobriety failed.

            All in all to get to this point in sobriety took 4 tries but it was worth the effort.

    • Sharkfur@beehaw.org
      0·
      1 year ago

      Cab you tell me more about that? I don’t have experience with non monogamous relationships, but I always assumed that it is exhausting. At least when you don’t just sleep with each other but also share your emotions.

      • Phoebe@feddit.de
        1·
        1 year ago

        I don’t think living/being poly is as exhausting as keeping up other relationships. It is more exhausting to lie and to hide when you are cheating. Cause you create a mask and by that causing a distance to your partner.

        Our society has a big focus on momogamous romantic relationship. Family, friends, other relationships variants… “not that desirable”. Even i, a monogamous, find that… exhausting. My family always fights with each other, my friends are busy working. Who is left to connect to?

        I love my boyfriend. But i often wish for more connection with other people (non romantic and non sexual). Just hanging out, sharing thoughts and emotions. Without being afraid of vurnability. But that means to make time for friends, to stop having a grugde with the family.

        Every relationship is exhausting, but the connection it’s worth the effort.