I was running for my train. After entering in the station airlock, for a reason i still can’t explain, i turned right instead of continuing straight ahead and BAM, i hit a glass with my face. Now i have a little scar, fortunately hidden behind my eyebrow.
I asked a man with boxing training to hit me in the face so I could try to be prepared in a fight. When I woke up he said he didn’t think I was going to not block or anything.
I had a very sturdy, energetic dog who loved chasing a thrown ball. He was tied to a long rope (about 100 feet). I did not pay attention to where the rope was and threw the ball and he exploded from my side and flew like a rocket after the ball. The rope, unfortunately, was tied to a tree in the direction I was throwing but was curled behind me. I was wearing shorts and as the rope started to be pulled away, it pulled up against both of my calves and abraded all of the skin from the backs of my legs away in a moment, and then the rope was pulled taught, deftly swiping both of my legs out from underneath me, dropping me backwards onto my head on a stone patio, splitting my scalp and spraying blood all over my white canvas outdoor furniture. The dog looked very proud for catching the ball when he loped up to me afterwards.
When I was a child, I used to gallop down the stairs like you’d see a lot of people doing in everyday life. I got to a point in my puberty that I had grown just enough to slam my head into the wooden stud at the bottom of my stairs going into the basement.
I’m pretty sure my IQ went down by about 25% that day.
Got my ponytail stuck in my armpit somehow, twisted my head rapidly to look at something and yanked on it. Not fun.
September of 2006 I was cleaning the house and had just finished mopping the upstairs bathroom and was taking the mop and broom back downstairs when my wet shoe slipped on the hardwood stairs (No carpet or treed). I fell down 8 steps landing on the landing. At first I thought I was fine, but when I stood up I instantly fell down. It was at this moment I noticed on the wall was a streak of blood about 3 feet long. Touching my temple revealed a good bit of chiseled spam. So it’s possible during the initial fall, I slammed my head into the wall and knocked myself out for a moment. Though I’ve never been able to figure out if that is in fact the way it happened. I have no memory of hitting my head though.
That wasn’t the part that really hurt me though. I realized I had no control over my right leg. It didn’t “hurt” really, but it was just hanging at an odd angle. Not know exactly how hurt I was, and not sure what else to do, I called 911 and an ambulance ride later had me in the ER. 6 hours of tests and waiting and it was revealed I had shredded my patellar Tendon.
The next morning I had a surgery that was supposed to last 3 hours, it ended up lasting 7 because the surgeon accidentally cut into an artery in my leg and I lost a great deal of blood before they could get the bleeding to stop. I ended up having to have 3 pints of blood to stabilize me before they could continue sewing my tendon back up. The way it was described to me was like trying to sew together to wet mop heads. I spent the next year of my life on my back before PT to learn to walk again. I gained 200 lbs in the year and it took me nearly 15 years to get the weight back off, I’m still struggling to get the rest of it gone.
To this day I have trouble walking, major back issues, and tons of nerve damage on my right side that I’ll have till the day I die.
I like how wet mops came up twice.
Y’know, I’m not a surgeon and probably missing something, but I feel like there must be a way to open a leg with very little risk of nicking the femoral artery.
That feeling of dread when the anecdote begins with a specific date…
Fell asleep drunk. Knocked over a beer as I went to sleep. Thought, “I’ll worry about that in the morning.”
Must have woke up to go to the bathroom and slipped cause I smashed my head on the corner of a coffee table. Ambulance. Thirteen stitches. Scar covered by hair. Home looked like a murder scene from me steadying myself against the walls with blood on my hands.
Cooking. Took a tray out of the oven and put in on the top. Turned to grab a spatula and caught the edge of the tray with the loose end of the oven glove.
As it slid off the top my dumb ass quickly grabbed for it with my ungloved hand, missed, and just pressed the searing hot tray into my stomach and thighs.
Two pies on the floor, that while I was whimpering in the cold shower upstairs, the dog ate.
I did the one about jumping upwards under a shelf recently-ish, so instead I’ll share the time I tried to stand on an exercise ball to reach something. Of course, I didn’t make it, and did a faceplant into some hard cube bins.
I was carrying a hoover downstairs and slipped. The hoover fell down the stairs faster than me and stopped at the bottom obviously. The wire had partially unspooled and the very British three prong plug was sitting on the ground, pointing straight towards the sky.
Guess where my arse landed once I had finished slipping down the carpeted stairs?
Motorcycle training course had a section where you drive fast and when they drop their hand/blow a whistle you emergency brake. Then they check stopping distance. My old bike was front drum brake, the course bikes were modern with front disc. I clamped the front brake too hard and supermanned over the handle bars and broke my wrist. I did the rest of course (4hours) with a broken wrist because ending early would mean signing back up on the waiting list. At the end of day you sign your licensed. I could barely write.
Still better to learn that on the examination course than on the road.
Yes, I was very aware of brake modulation after that. Rode in snow and ice over the years, where careful braking was important.
I was stuck at home for several weeks after a back injury. I was on Vicodin and could barely get out of bed, no tv. So I started beating it. Well, with Vicodin, it makes it very difficult to finish and I lost track of time. By the time I had finished, I realized I’ve been at it for 5 hours. My dick hurt for 4 days afterwards, and the Vicodin didn’t really help with that pain.
😆
Many ways. in order from first to last the ones that I remember and qualify as stupid are:
When I was very young i put a toy into a coal fire, regretted my decision and tried to retrieve the molten plastic.
I tried to carry a pan of boiling chickpeas over my shoulder and ended up spilling it down my back
I tried cycling down a steep hill while holding an ice-cream and hurt my nuts on the stem of the handlebars when I had to stop.
Went down a steep hill on a scooter and stopped on my head (this one required stitches).
Worked on a boat without a helmet and got slapped in the side of the head with a crane hook.
Tried jumping over a Wheely bin while rat-arsed and face planted on the pavement.
There are plenty more accidents that were just shitty luck, but these are the avoidable ones.
Edit: I also managed to slice open my finger with a kitchen knife while removing the seed from a mango.
Putting on a sock, lost my grip and punched myself in the particulars.
Jumped off a moving train and immediately ate shit, dislocated my shoulder… The train did not seem like it was going very fast. We were still at the platform, just getting going.
There’s a gif out there of a guy doing the same thing, that someone edited so he explodes when he hits the ground… Just like that but no explosion… Except the explosion of pain of course
Most recently? Cleaning snow. The driceway is short and at a slight slope, and is on the north side of the house. The sun warms just enough of it to melt snow, but the water seeps down to the shaded area created by the house and refreezes. I cleaned all the snow, noted the slippery patch, and did a good jub avoiding it. Wouldn’t you know it, just as I finished the work I forgot about the patch and stepped in it snd went down immediately. Hurt my wrist, pretty durecit was a hood sprain. Sill hurts today if I apply the right pressure, and it’s been a few weeks since i landed on it.
