I had a brief stint in a shit hole during COVID lockdowns. This old dude started and it turned out his wife and the lady in charge were friends. He was one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met. He legit had someone else’s glasses on and didn’t know until the other guy was trying to find his. He said he thought it was weird that he couldn’t see properly. He also seen a few guys with face screens rather than masks and he wanted one. We told him you can get them from health and safety, so off he goes. Comes back and says they’re awful, you can’t see shit out of them. He hadn’t removed the protective covering…

I’ve worked with some apes in my time but I’ve no idea how this guy got so far in life without dying or something

I work at a call center, and a few years ago I got moved next to this person when we changed management teams. She was a very nice person in general, but for some reason as the day went on her voice would get louder and louder. I was amazed our manager never said anything as it sounded like she was screaming at the people on the phone by the end of our shift. I thought maybe she was just having a bad day or something so I didn’t make a big deal out of it.

She kept getting louder though.

It got so bad that I was eventually pressing my hands over my headphones because she sounded louder than my own customers I needed it listen to. After about a week of this I’d finally had it, and I tapped her on the shoulder and asked if she could please try to keep her volume down since I couldn’t hear my own callers anymore.

She looked at me like I’d just kicked a puppy or something. She made a HUGE show of gathering up all of her possessions and moving all the way to the other end of our row as far from me as she could get, all in complete silence

I think she actually expected me to come find her and apologize lol but since THAT wasn’t about to happen I lived happily ever after never having to listen to her big fat mouth ever again

There was the guy who left milky coffee mugs in his office until they became hairy with mold.

There was the guy who skipped out on work to go play basketball with his buddies.

There was the guy who almost handed a new computer to the dean, with the dean’s name misspelled into an embarrassing word on his login screen.

Oh wait, those were the same guy.

There was a different guy, Bob, who proudly called himself a sexist. He was the tech support manager. More than half of his direct reports were women. He’d double-check their work because they were women. He was usually wrong.

I was running network security for the organization. I’d kicked a machine off the network because it was sending out virus spam. (This was the early 2000s when that was a thing.)

Bob said, the machine is clean, put it back on the network.

I checked, it wasn’t clean.

He said they needed it back on the network now.

I said, have Debbie check it again.

Debbie went and checked it again. There were processes called fuck.exe running, trying to initiate port-25 connections to various IP addresses.

Yeah, Bob, Debbie is right. Because she actually looked, instead of just trying to play nice with the user.

Machine got wiped and reinstalled. Then it went back on the network.

I once worked with a Puerto Rican. I’m not being racist, he literally couldn’t go more than an hour without reminding someone he was from Puerto Rico. He tried playing it like some kind of race card at least once a day. One time I heard one of my coworkers say loudly from across the room “No, being Puerto Rican has nothing to do with it. I don’t like you because you’re stupid.”

I used to be a delivery guy at a local pizzeria. One of the other delivery guys was the laziest piece of shit I could imagine.

There was one time they couldn’t find him, his car was there, the delivery car was there, and he wasn’t exactly the type of guy to go take a walk, so they figured he had to be in the store somewhere. Eventually they found him taking a nap in the walk-in, he brought a chair down with him and hid behind a wall of our buckets of cheese and sauce.

Another time they found him taking a nap in the delivery car, engine running, music blasting, seat reclined parked right in front of the store.

We were one of the rare places that had their own delivery cars, and he constantly left trash in them. I was about the only guy who ever bothered to clean them out (to be fair we only ever had about 3-4 delivery guys) There was one night I cleaned it out, he worked the day shift the next day, and I worked the next night, and when I came in the car was filled with trash again. He worked nights at a gas station in the area, so when I stopped that night to get gas, I brought in the bag of trash that I again had cleaned out and called him out for trashing the car again in such a short amount of time. I then took the bag out with me because I’m not an asshole, and threw it away properly. The next time he worked he was telling our coworkers that I dumped the trash on his counter at the gas station, which everyone knew immediately was a crock of shit (but they also all agreed that I totally should have done it.)

I worked with this guy when I was a sysadmin. There were usually three of us on shift. He refused to do anything and would encourage us to ignore tickets as well. He tried to be the manager once the manager was out for the day cuz we worked a swing shift. I already disliked him, but one day the first shifter came back from vacation in Miami. He asked if the first shifter “saw any of them [slur for gay people]”

I’m gay myself and immediately went to HR and he was fired on the spot. For the next couple weeks, if I went out for a smoke, the chill as shit security guard would stand outside with me, cuz this guy definitely had anger problems. He was worried he might try to come back and hurt me.

New guy at my job, polish dude. He seemed decent enough, just a bit… odd… but most of us were; after all, we were the kind of people who are willing to work on ships on the wrong side of the world for weeks, sometimes months at a time.

I trained him to do the job I did, so he could run opposite of my shift, with some assistance from the chief tech and various others. The rest of the crew were pretty experienced, so it made it easier when he needed help with the more complex stuff. He did reasonably OK for a newhire. Nothing spectacularly good, but nothing spectacularly bad either.

Until the crewing department told us he had been arrested back home, multiple counts of murder, and we were unlikely to have him onboard again, so we needed to train his replacement.

Turned out he was a serial killer who killed people for their properties. He’s in prison now, and I’m sure you can google the person. I’m not sure what his actual name was, but we called him Winny. Any poles here who happen to remember the case and could link a news article? This happened roughly 10 years ago.

I worked with John Doe, who said no woman could tell him what to do, not even his wife. His new boss was a woman who wasn’t having his shit. He quit after a few months.

Right, had this dude who applied for a job at a wireless internet company, the job posting had very specifically mentions that you will be working at Heights and you will be required to pass a 2 day working at heights safety course.

2 rounds of interviews we ask them how they are with heights and so they have an issue with climbing ladders or working on elevated work platforms. Dude says no worries in both rounds of interviews.

First day on the job we do some basic ladder safety to prepare them for the course. Storing a ladder, securing a ladder to the work trucks, securing the ladder to a roof, how to wear a harness.

Say 2 of the job is the First day on the training course and we hear from the training provider that the guy refuses to participate in the practical work and they won’t be accepting him for the second day.

He comes into the office on what was going to be his second day of training and has the stones to say he won’t be working in the field as he is scared of heights.

He didn’t make it till lunchtime that day.

I was a manager and was hands on training “Gary” day one. Gary continued to get audible dings and read text messages and type while I was talking directly to him. After the 2-3 time I asked if everything was alright and Gary needed to step out to handle something. He said something like, “oh no it’s just a text chain…”. I asked them stop texting but they sort of tried to hide the fact that they continued as I tried to get their attention and they just kept texting. After some more time I stopped after a simple demonstration and asked if they could do what I just did. Gary didn’t do the simple task correctly. I excused myself and walked to office I said to the other people managers /hiring staff, “I don’t think this is going to work out with Gary. It’s day one and he refuses to pay attention.” They expressed that another good coworker and friend had recommended him for the job and I just get through some stuff. Ok maybe Gary was having a bad day.

Later that week I learned Gary didn’t have a car even though transportation was required for the position because you might be working different locations all over town and Gary thought that his friend would be nice and just drive him to whatever job he needed to go to and then drive to their own job somewhere else. It lasted a few days and Gary didn’t arrive at locations we need him at. When we called he said, “I don’t have a ride I can’t work.” I asked if there way to figure out the transportation and he said it would be alright. I think he took a cab a few times but the locations are 20-30 mins away. After multiple no shows or very late arrivals we had to let Gary go.

Now I spoke with Gary several times. I don’t think this was some sort of condition were he didn’t understand the job and what he needed to do. I believe that Gary really thought we were all just living in his world or maybe he had to get out and prove he got a job. After he was gone I asked Gary’s friend, “So what happened?”. She confirmed that he never had a car or equipment needed. I asked if he got another job. She said, “Oh I don’t know, I don’t like Gary very much”.

I had a dude who tried to get me fired by stealing client data and trying to frame it on me. He confessed to someone he was so fucking sure would just take that in stride and not go to management with that.

I also found out that he thought that would work because he thought I was on a final write up for another thing that he tried to pin on me before that. But his whole claim there made no fucking sense and was dismissed within minutes, so nothing ever ever came of it. He just assumed it had worked without trying to confirm anything.

I used to work as a condo super at this one building where the cleaner was one of those chihuahua dudes. You know the ones, little runts who bark bark bark and puff up their chest at everyone to prove how tough they are, meanwhile they’re 5 foot, 100lbs soaking wet.

I walked into a break room and find this guy berating and yelling at this terrified young woman who was a cleaner as well. He was getting physical and pushing her chair so I literally grabbed him by the scruff and walked him out of the room into view of a camera. He started threatening to hit me, so I just crossed my arms and told him to go for it, knowing the camera was right there.

He didn’t do shit obviously, he yelled, grabbed his stuff and left. I called in his boss and had him removed from the site, but that was the culmination of months of his little man bullshit.

I once worked for a small ISP that decided to enter the calling card business. I built them a voice prompt system on top of Asterisk that made received PSTN calls over PRI and made outbound VoIP calls, all metered to cards with a unique number and a balance, and a UI to activate them. The business got boxes of physical cards printed, with a plan to sell them to convenience stores.

They hired a salesperson (AKA worst coworker) to sell the boxes of cards. This coworker then sold many boxes of activated cards to many small stores at an unauthorised discount (below the level of profitability), for cash rather than the approved methods for retailers to buy them, and then apparently spent said cash at the casino. The business had to honour the cards (i.e. not deactivate them) at a big loss to avoid ruining their reputation, since the buyers apparently did not know the deal was dodgy. His tenure was, suffice to say, not long, but in his short time there, he managed to put the business under financial strain and it eventually went into liquidation.

I used to work in a warehouse when I was young. No training on some things, so sometimes I’d just be just hanging out when my duties were finished, and still get paid for it. Not my fault. Had this one woman and her husband doing delivering of packages for the company, and she made a snobby comment saying “wish I was paid to do nothing”, but in fact she was, cause she did nothing. All she did was sit in the passenger seat.

She was a bit of a coward.

A moron who was hired to be my boss, even though they didn’t tell me that was the case – who, with a straight face, dead serious, and with an undeserved authority befitting a piece of shit, told me that Object-oriented programming was a fad. This was in 2008, 30-40 years after OOP was first introduced to the world.