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Cake day: July 19th, 2023

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  • Eli Roth wrote and directed this, so it was never going to be anything but schlock. Looks surprisingly OK in my opinion, honestly. My biggest issue is no Brick - get a Dave Bautista type and the movie instantly gets better. Kevin Hart seems fine as Roland (also surprising!). Cate Blanchett and Jamie Lee look perfect, and like they’re having fun, which is a good sign.

    Borderlands was never a high quality story franchise - BL1 had the most generic “go get the treasure” plot with a shit ending, but was saved by the memorable side characters and funny dialogue. Handsome Jack was a good villain, but replay BL2 a few times and you’ll see the holes in the story. Don’t get me started on the third game.

    Hoping this isn’t all fart jokes. I think the tone of this trailer combined with some good Eli Roth splatter would actually be an OK flick. If it’s PG-13, it’s over though.