z500

Sounds like the XY problem

I once got passed by two speeding DeLoreans. I ended up catching up to them when we all hit a traffic jam.

By a stroke of luck, one of the people to see these new screen savers was a member of the marketing team who tried them out the night before an already-scheduled visit in New York City with a major computer industry magazine. He loved them and wrote back, “You can call off the vote. We’re adding all of them to the product!”

Just think, if not for this email we might not have had that episode of LGR where “PENISES” suddenly appeared on the screen behind Clint as he was talking about it.

Apparently “cotton” and “Mexican” are slurs

I wonder what would happen if the Supreme Court surprised everyone by ruling Trump can’t run, and Biden died. 4 years of Marianne Williamson?

Fuck yeah, give me some of those fantasy cheese wheels

I’m already 2 years older than Mozart was when he died, the fuck am I even doing with my life

This reminds me of how I used to eat a spoonful of chunky peanut butter and then add a glug of maple syrup

About 10 years ago someone actually burned to death from static discharge at a gas pump like 2 miles down the road from my house. It’s extremely rare, but it does happen.

Nice, very trochaic

Pour it on yourself and you’ll never have to work another day in your life

Happy Threshold Day!

Glory to you… ^AND ^YOUR ^PASSWORD…

“ingenuity is kill”
“no”

And I will see my dream come alive at last

I saw George W. Bush at a grocery store in Kennebunkport yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

Absolutely me:

If it’s hard Rs you want, just put on any episode where O’Brien is mad at the Cardassians

chucknorris