I’m gay. I’m agender, and I like enbies better than men and women.
The other day in an argument I got frustrated with someone and told them to call me a homophobic slur. One part sarcasm, one part hoping they’d actually do it and get in trouble. Instead, I got punished for using the word. I wasn’t expecting that, because I’m gay. If I call myself a f-----, I didn’t think that was anyone else’s problem.
Was I right? Is it okay for me to use that word, talking about myself?
Context and intention matter, a great example to learn from on this topic is the boondocks. Gives a great insight into a community with one of the most well known slurs to have been reclaimed in America.
Even “reclaimed” it can still be used to hurt, just like any word.
In reality there’s no such concept as reclaiming a word. The very idea is nonsense. There’s nothing to reclaim as there was nothing lost in the first place.
A word, is a word. They have no weight or power with out intention. In Korean niga means you, in French removed is the color black.
With out the context and intention they are just words. To be hurt by words means you are being hurt by the intention, not the word it self. You can’t “reclaim” others intentions, you have no power over others and part of learning to deal with the trauma of abuse and the association of that abuse with those words. Is to learn the words hold no power over you.
So to move on from the hurtful nature of the words means you must come to grips with the fact you can’t control other people. And if you can’t control other people there’s nothing to reclaim.
Words, are just piles of definitions. If you use them to harm then it is an act of hate. If you use them to band together as brothers then it is an act of kindness.
How you act, your intentions are all that matter. Words, can not break you.
Hard to have a nuanced opinion on this issue since I’m not directly affected by it. From what I can observe some of my gay friends use slurs in a humourous way to make light of the reality that not everyone in society is cool with them being themselves. They seem to enjoy being transgressive and think they have a license to do so in this case (I’d probably argue that they do). idk maybe “reclaiming” was the wrong phrase; it’s more like gallows humour or something.