so this one girl, i’ll call her ella (19f) is transphobic, homophobic

she lashes out a lot, exaggerates things, and cannot read social cues. however, she has autism and adhd and is mentally much younger.

she also gets mad when i call a trans man “he” and she says “SHE’S A GIRL EVEN THO SHE LOOKS LIKE A MAN LOL”

she says she got her views from her parents and refuses to change because “it’s the way i am”. for someone who was mentally 19, I’d cut contact, but she’s mentally a lot younger.

  • jeffw@lemmy.world
    932·
    15 hours ago

    No. Autism is not a reason to be a bigot. Maybe the “lashes out” could be explained by sensory sensitivity (depending on the scenario and what you mean by “lashing out”), but that doesn’t excuse bigotry.

    Edit: also, what makes you say she is “mentally younger”? Autism and ADHD don’t stunt maturity in and of themselves

    • Lumidaub@feddit.org
      261·
      14 hours ago

      There seems to be evidence that ADHD brains are a few years behind in development. I think I remember it being 3 years on average? Don’t quote me, I have ADHD and my brain shouldn’t be trusted with details. Anyway, that really shouldn’t result in the kind of behaviour OP is describing though.

      • Ledivin@lemmy.world
        30·
        14 hours ago

        I think I remember it being 3 years on average?

        No chance in hell it’s linear, the gap would definitely change with age. But, as an adult with ADHD, I have certainly always felt a little younger than all of my peers… obviously anecdotal, but 🤷‍♂️

        • Zero22xx@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
          11·
          2 hours ago

          More anecdotal stuff but from lurking in autism spaces I’ve picked up that the feeling ‘younger’ or like a child compared to your peers thing is also felt by a lot of autistic people.

          Personally, I’m starting to think that it’s just one of the ways that our brains deal with feeling like an ‘other’ compared to general society. When it’s clear to you that your mind just isn’t working in the same way, certain things just don’t come as easily to you and that something is definitely ‘wrong’, I guess it makes sense that our minds would register that as also being ‘lesser’ or not as developed.

          I know that my whole life before I started asking certain questions, I’ve always felt like I’m still a child in the company of men in particular. That’s how my brain registered my particular brand of ‘otherness’ my whole life. Which might indicate some sort of internalized misogyny or something. But I’m starting to think that feeling like a child or immature in some way is probably an almost universal thing that people who don’t fit in with everyone else feel at some point.

        • billwashere@lemmy.worldEnglish
          5·
          12 hours ago

          I’m 54 and have ADHD. It may ever regress. Well according to my wife who says I act like teenage boy sometimes … especially with the filter turned off.

        • Lumidaub@feddit.org
          71·
          14 hours ago

          Yeah, I should’ve looked it up first, Russell Barkley says it’s 30% (I got a digit correct yay!). I know what you mean, all my classmates somehow seemed much more mature than me and I had no way to express that feeling back then.