I don’t think I wanna know
Ceasefire Violation?
He died doing what he loved!
Starving, because I couldn’t remember where I hid my nuts.
My dog finds and eats squirrel peanuts semi-regularly on walks. It’s cuter than when he tries to catch them directly.
Silently hunted down by a mysterious lone wolf.
The fucking Russians, of course.
Either heart goes out during orgy, or torn to shreds by an uprising
To shreds you say?
And the women?
To shreds you say?
The US actually does invade, and I die in some kind of defensive gambit where they take more casualties than us.
Unfortunately, that’s a vibe killer now, because it doesn’t feel totally impossible and we still like each other. Sorry.
Inviting my Farmville girlfriend over.
Not the Fediverse Chick?
She’s blessed my inbox twice, so not sure!
Jesus Christ, that’ll be gruesome…
If it’s on camera you’ll be hugely famous
Raptured by the One True Dog
A detective stands over my lifeless body, Detective Salvitore is panting for air, desperate to catch up to her partner and mount the hill. She reaches the crest covered in sweat, vision blurring but enthused at the grim sight before Detective Glassgow.
Salvitore fumbles for her radio, wheezing a shaky “We… we… I… found-” before Glassgow cuts her off.
“Save it Sal, I already told them we found the vegan.”
Oh god
RIP
Furiously stroking my willy.
Wrong place wrong time during a controlled demolition
