Let’s have a lunch and learn!
How dare you not overachieve for your corporate overlords!
“It is what it is”.
I still hate “leverage” used as a synonym for “use.” “We leverage technologies” yeah sure, when was the last time you had your asshole leveraged?
Think out of the box
Here at Lemmy, we are steadfastly committed to leveraging our core competencies in order to drive strategic alignment across all functional units. Our focus remains unwavering on fostering a culture of continuous innovation and optimizing synergies that propel us towards achieving scalable growth and value creation for our stakeholders. By embracing agile methodologies and harnessing cutting-edge technologies, we endeavor to stay ahead of the curve, ensuring robust ROI while maintaining unparalleled customer-centricity in every facet of our operations.
Should you have any further inquiries or require additional insights into our visionary pursuits, please do not hesitate to connect with us. Together, let’s pioneer new paradigms and redefine excellence!
Effectuate
I’m going to effectuate this pole right up the ass of the next person to use that word.
👉👈
I can’t think of a sentence in which it doesn’t sound heavy handed.
Please effectuate the reports. Accounting will effectuate the invoice. HR has effectuated the hire.
“double click” to mean “focus on” or “explore in more depth”
It always sounds so deliberate.
War room
You’re a Karen and you’re going to talk to Pete from accounting about what gift to buy for Sally’s birthday
You can’t fight here, this is the war room
“Cross-pollinate”
“Learnings” - you’re not fucking Borat!
I had a manager who at the end of every meeting (and I mean EVERY meeting) said “go team!” It was especially annoying since he wasn’t actually present in 99.9% of those meetings.
Sometimes I say this in a glib or sarcastic or ironic kind of way. It’s not an “every meeting” kind of thing.
I’m not a manager but maybe a supervisor I guess.
“We’re family”
Unrelated but I only recently realised that when someone says they believe in family values it means they want to impose their definition of “family” on everyone else.
From an employer I guess when they refer to family they’re really referring to a bond beyond work, which basically means they’re expecting more from you than you’re paid for?
I’ve found from employers it tends to mean “we should be valued and given time at least on par, but we’ll push for more, than your actual family. Work will call you at any time of day or night and you should be ready to drop everything and get in on no notice.”
“It doesn’t scale”, meaning the company might have to (shudder) hire people if our business doubles.
What’s our North Star?
This phrase is currently running riot at my work. Leadership have just created a new “North Star” so that they can Kingdom Build and leave their mark; years of progress on other projects are being thrown on a mini-bonfire of the vanities.
It’s just a bullshit saying for something they’ll never achieve.
I’ve even heard people say it’s never achievable but we should use that as our direction. I can’t stand corporate fucking bullshit.
I’ve never heard it in a corporate context, but I had thought in a personal context it’s not necessarily something to be achieved but what is meaningful or what has value for you.
For example…
Uh…
Yeah actually IDK what my north star is. Maybe enough internet for me.
- Holistic
- Double Click
- Table Stakes
- Jump Ball
- Blocking & Tackling
